2010/2011 Winter Snard Contest

[GreyMichFX4]

No snards here, we have not even had enough snow to make baby snards lately. 

[GreyMichFX4]

I had a chance yesterday to put some miles on my truck and I was able to photograph the ultra rare and elusive wind shield snard.

[Too Stroked]

Dave,

We're really scraping the bottom (or maybe top) of the barrel here now aren't we?

 

[GreyMichFX4]

Dave,

We're really scraping the bottom (or maybe top) of the barrel here now aren't we?

 

Tom,

Just a little bit and I was also bored this afternoon. 

[Too Stroked]

Dave,

We're really scraping the bottom (or maybe top) of the barrel here now aren't we?

 

Tom,

Just a little bit and I was also bored this afternoon. 

Yea, I know - because I'm doing exactly the same thing here. Kind of sad to see snard season slipping away from us. Yea, right!

[Too Stroked]

Just a quick (and final) reminder to get any and all entries you might have for this season's snard contest in by this weekend. Dave and I will be judging over the weekend with results to be posted this coming Monday. And remember, you do have to go to work. No fair calling in sick just to see the results.

[Blown F-150]

I'm just going to watch for results at work

Even if my Boss is right beside me.

[Too Stroked]

I'm just going to watch for results at work

Even if my Boss is right beside me.

And I think it's safe to say that Dave and I will present the results in the same professional, dry, humorless, matter of fact way that we've run the whole contest. Yea, right. 

[Center Stage Auto Detailing]

Contest is almost over. 86 degs here today. 

[Blown F-150]

I'm just going to watch for results at work

Even if my Boss is right beside me.

And I think it's safe to say that Dave and I will present the results in the same professional, dry, humorless, matter of fact way that we've run the whole contest. Yea, right. 

Excellent! I look forward to your scientific based results.

[GreyMichFX4]

Excellent! I look forward to your scientific based results.

Don't you mean alcohol induced?????? 

[Too Stroked]

I'm just going to watch for results at work

Even if my Boss is right beside me.

And I think it's safe to say that Dave and I will present the results in the same professional, dry, humorless, matter of fact way that we've run the whole contest. Yea, right. 

Excellent! I look forward to your scientific based results.

Science. Now there's something we hadn't thought of. Darn, I might have to reconsider some of my picks now!

[Too Stroked]

As much as most of us hate to admit it, the winter of 2010 ? 2011 has finally come to a close for most of us. (Although some of us still have to deal with melting snow for another month or two.) With it comes the close of the 2010 ? 2011 TDC Snard Competition. This year, our prestigious annual competition drew entries from far flung parts of the globe ? or more correctly was made up of entries consisting of far flung materials.

Be that as it may, Dave (GreyMich4x4) and I faced the difficult task of judging the extensive entry list to determine who would reign as Snard Champion for another year. Try as we might, we eventually decided not to have a Snard Trophy Girl for the presentations because all we could come up with on our budget was Miss Alfalfa Sprouts 1968 - and let?s just say she might have been confused with an actual snard.  

And so, after many hours of sordid and sometimes contentious deliberations ? involving beer and manly sounds ? here are the winners in each category:

Tailgate Snard: This one was pretty much a no brainer. I thought I had everybody covered (no pun intended) until Blown F-150 sent in his entry. Despite allegations that some sort of adhesive or steroids were involved, we simply had nobody else who even came close here. There will be random doping tests performed next year though.

Running Board Snard: I was really thinking my son had this one all locked up, and then JP (RollingRock) sent in an entry with some ?special? conditions. He claims to have actually frozen the doors shut with it. Despite allegations that he?d simply forgotten (blonde moment) to unlock the doors, this one is headed for JP?s mantle. Honorable Mention: Brandon Dantini (Ford Escape)

Dually / Drop Axle Snard: This one was easy ? since we only had one entry ? Dave. This one was also very unusual in that Dave found a way to enter a snard on a set of drop axle tires. Normally, a tire kicks up the material needed to build a snard ? so it never collects anything. Dave bravely flaunted the law by running fully loaded with the drop axle up to make this happen. (A ticket is in the mail by the way.)

Windshield Snard: This was another category where we only had one entry. It seems that only Dave was diligent enough in his reading of the rules to figure out that if you drove backwards at 60 MPH for at least 20 miles (or until the cops caught up), one could actually grow a snard on the windshield. Cheap, but effective.

Grill Snard: Truth be told, this category didn?t even exist last year. (And some of us might argue that it still doesn?t exist.) But since Dave was one of the judges and he actually entered one, we had to allow it in. Anybody detecting a trend here?

Wheel Well Snard: This category was very hotly contested this year and we spent more time (probably almost 30 seconds) debating who actually won. In the end, we decided that we had a two way tie between Attworth and Zairman. Great work gentlemen!

Classic Snard: Despite the fact that I?m going to hear all sorts of moaning about this one going to a family member, I think most of you will find it hard to argue with the massive snard my son Brandon entered on his Grand Marquis. Forgive me if I get a little choked up here.

Ugly Snard: This one was close for a while. Center Stage Auto Detailing was running neck and neck with our trophy girl until we found an arcane rule that prohibits a person from being entered as a snard ? no matter how ugly they are. So, it is with great pleasure that we award CSAD with the Ugliest Snard Award. Now, keep that thing away from the rest of us!

Repeating Snard: When we opened the competition this year, Dave and I debated whether or not to add this category since ?rare and elusive? are the two words most often linked to repeating snards.  In the words of William Shattner though, we decided ?to boldly go where no man has gone before.? Oddly enough, two people rose to the challenge and entered remarkable repeating snards. The winner is my son Brandon for the sinusoidal snard on his Grand Marquis with Honorable Mention going to RollingRock for his double snard. It is something of a tribute to the level of competition here that a double snard only comes in second.

Grand Prize Snard: This is the big one ? literally. As we all know, numerous environmental and driving conditions all have to be nearly perfect for a snard to grow big enough to even be considered for this ? the very highest level of snard competition. After much deliberation (and more manly sounds), Dave and I have decided to award our highest prize to none other than Steve (Poor Boy). Some might ask how such a pathetic entry could even be considered. Two things to consider here. First, Barak Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize last year. (Enough said?) Second, no other snard actually incapacitated the vehicle by freezing it to the ground. (So what if it was a Chevy.) So congratulations Steve and we hope spring brings with it some warmer temperatures ? so you can again move your truck.

BTW, rumor has it that our fearless leader (JP) was actually contemplating entering a Cycling Snard from one of his early spring bicycling trips. When Dave and I heard of his plans though, we immediately called and suggested (begged?) that he reconsider. When JP protested, we reminded him that the rear snard on a bike would most likely attach itself to, um, well, ?under the rear seating area.? Worse yet, it might be confused with, um, well, you know? Although he reluctantly agreed not to enter, we did detect a glimmer in his eye. Time to re-write the rule book before next year.

[GreyMichFX4]

Tom, next season we are not playing beer pong to decide the winners of the snard contest. It may take me that long to get over this hang over.

[Too Stroked]

Tom, next season we are not playing beer pong to decide the winners of the snard contest. It may take me that long to get over this hang over.

And I need my lampshade back too!